Our Story According to Her: Part 1

Now for my fiancé’s version of our story:

We do not have a “typical” 21st century love story that so many people expect to hear when two people say they “love” each other. Ours was not initially full of deep feelings, great chemistry, or a quickness in desire to get married. Many people will think this is odd since these three ingredients are what “real” love is about… but T.S. and I would strongly disagree. This story is entirely about God shaping us and our relationship. Since we have taken the next step in choosing to marry each other and choosing to love each other for a lifetime, we want everyone we love to know how we came to this decision since most people do not know all  the details. From our story, we hope you decide to pray deeper in all areas of life, have a deeper understanding of what real love is and grasp what it really means to follow God’s way and not your own. 

T.S. Weaver and I went to middle school and high school together but hung with different crowds. We had a couple of classes together in the span of those seven years and one short assignment we worked on, but that was the extent of us knowing each other. I was boy crazy and always liked someone…a lot of “someones”.

After graduating high school in 2008 I attended Tarrant County College for four semesters and then moved to Minnesota for nine months with my cousin, Abe, to get out of Texas and find more of myself. While Minnesota was fulfilling and healing in so many ways, I wanted to come back to Texas because of missing my immediate family and having an ardent desire to finish college at the University of North Texas. In the fall of 2014, one of my friends, Missy, was in a co-ed softball league and asked if I wanted to play, which I declined but decided to watch her and a few other friends who I hadn’t seen in a while. I walked to the softball field and after greeting Missy, I quickly saw an old face from high school, T.S. Weaver. My first reaction to myself was, “Awh, he’s cute!” We said “Hi” and then I headed for the bleachers so I could watch, and he would play. After the game, my friends and I were invited to T.S. and his roommate, Shane’s house, to have some drinks and play corn hole. T.S. and I were on the same side of corn hole and very quickly we began talking about family, life, college, work, and God. I had a lot of anger towards God and the world at this time and was agnostic (a person who claims no belief or disbelief in God). T.S. Weaver was a Christian (what he thought that meant at the time). Naturally, we both had questions for the other, thoughts and stories on our decisions of where we stood on the topic and why. When it was time for me to leave for the evening, T.S. hugged me in a really caring way that said more to me of the thoughts occurring in his mind…which was something like, “Come back to Jesus, you are loved.” If you know T.S. you know that he is very pure in body and mind which I would argue makes him more honest than most, more wholesome, and more trustworthy. He was easy to talk to and something about our conversation and his warm embrace left an impression on me. 

At this time, I was talking to other boys at college and was not looking for anything serious, especially not someone as serious as T.S. Weaver. He thinks very black and white and has an “all or nothing” mentality with every area of life. You are dating to marry or not dating anyone. Within a few weeks, he wanted to date but I thought he was crazy since he hardly knew me and since I certainly did not view dating in this way. I also could sense so much goodness about T.S. that I didn’t want to ruin him by being in a relationship with me because I felt that I tended to do that with men. He deserved better and simultaneously, his seriousness about dating annoyed me.

Although, I wasn’t ready to date “T.S. Weaver” style, I still wanted to get to know him. After the politeness and “having our best foot forward” mentality wore off, T.S. and I began to argue, mostly because of extreme differences in personalities and believing our thoughts and ways made more sense than the other person’s. However, T.S. and I always tried to better ourselves, whether it be our pride or the way we spoke to the other. Little did we know, all the fights would show us our own reflections and the kind of people we really were, as really getting to know someone tends to do. When being with someone highlights your deepest flaws, I would submit this is where one truly grows and determines your own choice in how to behave, talk, and love another person. All these trials made us grow into better Christ followers. I still just wanted to “date” around and not be tied down or with anyone serious. T.S. kept persisting and as I said earlier, I saw a goodness in him, and that goodness also didn’t want me to let go. I wanted to “have my cake and eat it too”. Eventually, he and I started “dating” but again this was not serious for me. I wasn’t sure how long I wanted to date him, a breakup already in my mind. When I look back on this, it is hard to see how much I drug T.S. along with my indecisiveness and how selfish I was, and that took me a long time to reconcile with myself.

Because of our drastic differences in personalities, we got in many fights and his seriousness often made me feel I was in a box or trapped, when in reality T.S. was doing the “dating thing” the right way, because dating someone and hurting someone is serious, but I didn’t care about the deepness of this as he did. As we were navigating this dating relationship and who each of us were, T.S. would invite me to his church, Compass Christian Church in Colleyville. I attended several services with him and thought that everyone there was fake. I grew up Catholic so seeing a non-denominational group of people raising their hands and singing songs that were not hymns made me feel odd and a sense of annoyance. I was annoyed, conflicted and discontent a lot of the time in these years, which I learned was my own selfishness, confusion and pride. 

I kept questioning T.S. about God and soon began my own search on what I thought the “truth” was about the world we live in. I began my search in Spring 2015. I investigated Hinduism, Buddhism, Atheism and I questioned everything. Is man’s way better?  Is tolerance for everyone better? Is there a truth in the world? Is there a God? I was seeing a biblical counselor at this time who would also help navigate me to discover the truth. She gave me books and CDs to listen to and listened to my thoughts for hours. I also spoke to her often about this T.S. Weaver boy. One day, I told T.S. that I would do anything to find out what the truth was about this world and about God, even go to Israel. The following Sunday, Compass made an announcement that they would be hosting a trip to Israel. T.S., of course, thought this was not a coincidence and often reminded me of this, saying things like, “Odd, you would think there is a God or something…” It was ironic to me, but not enough for me to believe in God. We signed up to go and I felt excited to see what answers awaited me in Israel, but I was also nervous because I was unsure of what I wanted with T.S. To go on such a big trip with someone who I was unsure what I fully felt about seemed like a terrible idea. I knew I didn’t feel what I thought love was supposed to feel like…the high chemistry, deep feelings, lust, or an eagerness to get married to him. I liked him, but I didn’t love him in MY definition of love, so, to me, it couldn’t be real.

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